This Month's Topic is:

  Sibling Rivalry 

Sibling rivalry can create a draining backdrop of fighting, conflict and negative attitudes between your children, along with harsh accusations and complaints of parental unfair treatment. Follow the simple strategies below to encourage a little more sibling harmony!

• Don’t Dismiss Negative Sibling Feelings.

Telling your child that they should not feel angry, jealous, inferior etc will not take away their feelings. In fact, it may make them worse as they will feel frustrated at being dismissed and sad at not being understood.

If your child expresses negative feelings towards their brother or sister, acknowledge how they feel.

 “You’re always spending time with the baby”

•  “Don’t be silly, I just played with you”  ( Feels dismissed)
• “You don’t like me spending so much time with him?”  (Feels listened to)

•  Curtail Aggressive Behaviour.

Show your child better ways to express their anger.

•  “No pushing! Tell your brother what you’d like; try saying ‘ask me before borrowing my toys'

Encourage problem solving by briefly summarising the problem, expressing faith that your children will find a solution, then leaving the room.

• "Hum, tricky. One gold pen but two children who want to use it at the same time. I'm confident you'll find a way to sort this out"

When fighting is getting intense and you’re worried one child may get hurt, you will need to intervene – separate your children and use time out for them to cool down.

•  Avoid Comparisons

Natural feelings of competition between siblings can be made a lot worse by adult comparisons

• "Well done, I can always rely on you to get things done, unlike your sister who’s totally disorganised”

Don’t compare! Whatever you want to say to your child, stick to whatever the issue is with that particular child’s behaviour. Describe what you want done, what you like, what you dislike. Avoid reference to their sibling.

• “When I ask you do things, I know I can rely on you”

• Schedule in Regular One-to-One Time with Each Child

Children thrive on individual time with their parents. It’s important that each child has regular quality time one-on-one with their parents

 One-to-one time doesn’t have to involve flashy trips or special fun. It could simply be your son having a bath on his own with mum whilst Dad settles his sister and reads her a story.

 For single parents, it can be a more tricky to spend time alone with each child especially if both your children are little. Arranging a babysitting rota with another parent can sometimes make individual time with each child a little easier.

An excellent resource for parents is: "Siblings without Rilvarly" by Faber & Mazlish

Useful Links

• British Psychological Society
  

The BPS is the representative body for psychology and psychologists in the UK. The society's website provides detailed information on the roles and responsabilities of Clinical Psychologists and a directory of registered Chartered Psychologists.

• Netmums

Netmums is a comprehensive, interactive network of regional websites. Each site covers local information on places to go, things to do, education, childcare, community, social and employment issues.

• All4Kids

All4Kids is a wide-ranging, searchable (by area or category) family directory of UK-based shops, services and activities for children. The site also includes informational resources.

• National Childbirth Trust: Bristol Branch

The NCT offer information and support in pregnancy, for childbirth, and with early parenthood. The Bristol branch of the NCT covers the whole of Bristol.